sleepless nights, painful days, and a toddler

Do you ever wonder when there will be a good day?  I have been in a miserable marriage for several years now, and have been blessed with 2 beautiful, and adorable children.  My toddler is absolutely gorgeous, and not saying it because I am the mother, but incredibly its true.  I honestly, don't believe I've met a better looking child in my life.  My second child is absoluely the cuddlest most adorable child in history.  But, cue the villan music, my toddler is driving me up the wall. My toddler wakes up screaming, throws tantrums every waking second, says no to everything, throws things, won't eat, won't nap when told to, won't listen to instructions, and I know this sounds like the typical 2 year old, but what compounds to my toddler woes is the great divide between my spouse and I.  I mentioned already I was in a miserable marriage.  I can't tell you how much I simply dislike my spouse.  I mean he is quite honestly the biggest shithead known to man.  He has absolutely no manners, does and says what he pleases to me at any given time. and makes it worse he tell my child to do the absolute opposite of what I tell my toddler to do.  What made it worse was when his drug addict teenage daughter from another relationship suddenly showed up one day.  I was livid.  I wasn't told she would be moving here nor was I told the reason for the presence in my home.  But to add insult to injury the shithead then has the nerve to ask me if I can pick up his lazy, good for nothing teenager from school.  Keep in mind she was expelled from her last school for drug possession and her mother felt it in her best interest to Move out of state and to our home.  What pisses me off more is that this shit head has oustanding medical bills for my kids, but paid $800 for a plane ticket for his even bigger shit head teenager to come here for a week.  Yes, I said a week.  You the imbecile I'm married to has been doing this ping-pong bullshit with his babymama for 17years.  His daughter gets in trouble her mom sends her away, the brat throw a tantrum, and the babymama asks for her back.  That was fine when he was single but not when he has a wife and kids.  Not only does this dumb ass think it ok to continue doing this stupidshit, but he willingly offered to drive his babymama and his shithead teenager to their hotel.  But I can't get a ride home when I was stranded.  Yesterday he bought a brand new flat screen TV, but when the EMS people called him about the final notice on an outstanding bill, he completely ignored it and told me he doesn't have the money but he walks into the house this morning with $200 worth of groceries we didn't need.  I mean stupid things, like 10 bags of hawaiian bread sold at Walmart for $4.89 a piece.  and guava juice.  There's more, but if I were to list out the items purchased you'd realize he doesn't shop for the family he shops for himself.  Anyway, back to the story about the rotten teenager.  His daughter has the nerve to feel its unjustifiable that we punish her while here. Throws several fits and then says to us that we aren't on the same page, and its hard to know who to listen to.  Well, guess what.  The first day she was in my house, I told her she needed to change her clothing because she was not going tot school looking like a street walker.  Her clothes were far too tight, and she looked like a cheap mess.  But the shit head comes home and asks why she's so dressed up.  I tell him in comparison to what she had on it was an improvement.  Then when I get her up at 6AM, this brat has the nerve to ask why she's been woken up so early?  I'm dumbfounded as to why this hoodrat thats here with a criminal record feel she is entitled to tell me when she should get up, etc.  I mean I am flabbergasted.  The nerve, and this dime store hooker to think she can come into my home and turn my life even more loose than it already was.  My toddler takes all this in and behaves even worse because she sees that her sister is allowed to do as she pleases.  And her father has no respect for what it is I say.  So, as before but 50 times worse, she acts a plum fool everywhere we go.  I have tried spanking, I have tried yelling, I have tried time out, and I have tried crying, and frankly nothing is working.  I'm praying she'll grwo out of it, but I am tired of waiting for things to improve.  My next step is super nanny.  But, that won't change the fact that I am still married to a shithead.  By the way, I apologize for all the profanity used today, but I am so frustrated with all that has gone on, and the fact I have no control over my life.  I simply can't muster any positive or appropriate words to use to describe the horrible people in my life. 

Surviving a 2 year old and a miserable marriage

I now have two children under the age of 5, and a spouse whom isn't as much of an a-hole as he used to be but in comparison to most decent christian men, he still ranks up there on the list of biggest a-hole in the world.  As I lay here next to my active 2 year old who seems to be bouncing of walls as I type, I ind myself completely from finding other ways to keep my mind occupied and off the fact that my husband is a dispicable human being.  This is how my day goes.  I offically rise at 6:00Am to yet again change diapers, start a warm bowl of oatmeal for a picky 2 year old that will fight me tooth and nail to eat a meal.  Warm up a bottle of formula, start scrabbling some eggs before my spouse gets home.  put water on the pot for coffee.  Run upstairs to feed the infant, run back down stair with baby to feed the 2year old.  Turn on Sid the Science Kid while trying to feed the 2 year old with one hand as fast as I can before her father walks in the door to undermine my efforts and tell her its ok not to eat her breakfast is she doesn't feel like it. Which means she won't want anything to eat until about 12 noon. Place scrambled eggs on the plate, some hawaiian bread on the plate, a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee.  As my spouse walks in my excited daughter yells "Good morning daddy" and my efforts to get her to eat at that point has gone straight to hell.  As I now turn my attentions to my infant, I realize I have 2 frying pans, and dirty dishes to wash, and my now excited 2 year old has now spilled milk on the floor.  As I go lay my infant down so I can clean up the mess thats been made, I hear the commander and chief ( of this house) bark orders for the remote control, and an order of what he'd like prepared for dinner.  He then answers a phone call from his sister, or his baby mama it depends on which woman he feels needs to occupy his time, that he'd already spoken to on his way home, then after watching ESPN for about an hour he falls asleep snoring, and farting on the couch.  All the while, I'm trying to prevent the 2 year old from reeking havoc on my house, and on her infant sibling.  OK so after spending an hour washing dishes, cleaning the counter, sweeping the floor, and dusting the dirt from living room area, I realize the time is now 9:30.  I have the toddler watch her favorite show, which is seseme street. 

A 2 year old and a 2 month old

So, I have since delivered a new child. Celebrated my toddler's 2nd birthday successfully, and did a phenomenal job of tolerating my husband's teeenage daughter, while balancing my newly enlarged family.  Its been alot for me to take in.  I have heard so many women of yester year suggest that women are the backbone of the family, and they hold the family together, but what happens when you don't want to?  What happens when you realize your husband is a lying son of a bitch and you have given up a large part of who you are, and sacrificed for the person you hate the most. ....wait I'll finish this when he leaves the room.

Tips for the wise .... never ever date a guy with kids & never ever marry a guy with kids

So, this morning started out ok, but the obnoxious women in omy spouse's life really make it hard to deal with its impact on our marriage.  His mom calls every 2 hours, to talk about ....I haven't got the slightest idea.  Then there's his sister whom he and she call perpetually throughout the day to discuss everything in their lives, then there's the babymama.  UGH, how do I describe this relationship?  There's a lingering persistence and an annoyance, and the painful sense that this woman hold more respect from him than I do. They plan his daughter's arrival, and her future which involves her being here with me and my children, and I have no say so as to how this will impact our lives.  Are all guys like this?  Probably not, but one runs the risk of dealing with this sort of problem when they involve themselves with a man that had kids prior to the marriage.  And unless he's a widow, you sadly are stuck with that other woman, his former lover being a part of his life forever. What's even worse is my spouse has maintained a friendship with each of his ex girlfriends.  I have made it clear how much I disapprove but he just hides his deceit with passwords on cell accounts, and bank accounts.  He actually still has a bank account with his babymama, where he and I don't have that.  My 2nd child is due in 2 days and the way things have been going, I don't really know how much longer this relationship will last because, there's no trust, and he doesn't respect me as his wife.  Have I mentioned how much I resent me, and hate myself for making the mistake of ever having been involved with him?  

How to cope with step children...Some tips and a true story

So this morning I overhear my spouse speaking to someone laughing and carrying on.  Then he calls his sister to give the witch an update on his bastard's (the child he had out of wedlock with someone else) travel plans.  So as I stand there preparing our toddler's breakfast trying to pretend not to have heard anything I am very bothered by the fact that he would make plans to have his child here for 2 months, during the period that I will be having our second child, and without family present to help me cope.  So, I'm baffled by all what is happening.  I am supposed to be the person he shares this sort of information with even talking to me about  their arrival and their plans for the summer, but no thats not the case.  So, I inquire to him why he made no mention to me of her arrival or departure, or which dates would be best suited considering I'll be giving birth, and it may be a bit challenging to have her here during that period.  He scolds me and tells me I have no right  to dictate to him what happens with his daughter.  So, I keep quiet but angry with myself for dating a man with a kid.  For some strange reason, men with children have not only a responsiblity to that child they had, but this unbroken attachment to the woman they had that child with.  Thats something I never wanted to be a part of .  I'd watched other women go through the painful process of dealing with men with children out of wedlock, and frankly it often created turmoil in their marriage, or simply broke them up.  I have 2 children with this guy.  I keep trying to figure out how to cope with certain situations when they arise.  So, I found this article of helpful tips.  But my situation isn't one that allows for an open line with my spouse about his daughter in our home. My mom will be here and I worry about how thing will play out.  I pray God helps me. 

Dealing with step-children is not a clear-cut process that you can establish easily. Your relationship with your spouse plays a direct role in determining how you will deal with the step-children. While every situation will be different, here are some basic steps on how to deal with step-children.


Talk with your spouse about rules, structure and discipline. You have to present a unified front on these issues with a list of house rules that are in effect no matter what
Step 2
Let your spouse deal with discipline at first. You have to establish yourself in the step-children's lives before you can discipline them effectively.
Step 3
Be patient. This will take time and patience.
Step 4
Provide love, stability and safety. All families should give this to children, but step-children have already been through the destruction of one family, so they have some very justifiable doubts to overcome.
Step 5
Build trust with your step-children by doing as you say.


Tips & Warnings


There is no such thing as a freeze-dried dad or an instant mom. Expecting this from yourself is unrealistic.You are not a "rent-a-cop" parent. You are the real deal.Be open to the idea of professional counseling to help you, your spouse and your step-children adjust to the new facts of life.Beware a spouse that cuts you down in front of the step-children. The children quickly learn that you are not to be respected.Don't rip on the birth parents, even if they deserve it. Don't participate even if the step-children themselves rip on their birth parents.



Read more: How to Deal with Step-Children
eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004344_deal-step-children.html#ixzz0qYTwoAQH










Read more: How to Deal with Step-Children
eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004344_deal-step-children.html#ixzz0qYTdyB00







Read more: How to Deal with Step-Children
eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004344_deal-step-children.html#ixzz0qYTVQXns

2 weeks left, and scared

its been quite some tie since I made an entry on this blog.  Alot has been happening.  For some odd reason there has been some peace in my home, but at what price?  I have decided to let go of the fact that I know my husband isn't faithful, and as long as it isn't blatant, I have to tolerate it until I can find a means out of this sad relationship.  When he yells, I walk away and ignore him.  I try my best to focus on our first child but it is so hard in my condition to function.  I have bad hips, a bad back, and even more medical problems I am not attending to simply to cut down on medical costs because we have a PPO, and I am inundated with bills I can't afford and that haven't yet been paid.  I am tired of my spouse calling me a loser everytime the issue of money arises.  When our first child was due, I bought and paid for everything, and this ingrate had no quams allowing me to spend in the thousands to pay for towels, basinet, stroller, car seat, playpin, sheets, blankets, clothes, etc. But now that I haven't the means to support myself, he bitches about buying things for our new child every oppotunity he gets.  To make matters worse, I don't know if he thought he was doing me a favor by having his first illigetimate child come here around the time I give birth.  The stress is bad enough from having a toddler and trying to care for a new born, but having to tolerate a ghetto teenage girl???? OMG what the hell was this asshole thinking?  He always has his daughter come around at the most inopportune time.  Wait did I mention he tells me that his friend has 3 kids out of wedlock, and that no one knows about them?  Then he turns to me and says why must I tell everyone he has a daughter?  I'm like wait an F-ing minute, was this not the same a-hole that testified in court falsly claiming that I don't like his daughter that at the time I'd never met. Then flew her out for my child's baptism, because he wanted all his kids together, then all of a sudden now he starts to think that having a child out of wedlock is nothing to be proud of, nor should I advertise it????? Wait I'm confused. So, I should pretend she doesn't exist, and when your friends come around and notice this teenage girl who sadly looks identical to her father with boobs, who apparently is my child, what the hell am I supposed to say then?  Keep in mind, when he does introduce her its almost as if he's ashamed of her, and when I introduce her, I do it with a smile, and proclaim it like there nothing wrong, and yet I'm still wrong for that??????Ugh,  I noticed in the past few months, Tony has stopped making payments on the car insurance, lapsed on home insurance, refuses to activate the home alarm system, and now our joint phone line doesn't allow me to send nor receive text messages.  I know something is up, but at this point with the kind of physical condition I am in, there's really nothing I can do.  I suffer through severe pain to clean, and cook, and try to prepare for my next child, and even though we live in a 4 bdrm home, he has refused to purchase our first child a bdrm set and set up their own room, sohe first child and the newbon will be sharing dressers, and a crib until he feels the first child should get their own room.  Frankly, I hate this arrangement, sometimes I think I'd be better off on my own where I could do things my way, but I tolerate it.  I resent his stupidity, like placing waste products like trash, food, garbage on the kitchen counter attacting insects, and then likening it to going to a restaurant, and an ass.  He refuses to buy our child vitamins knowing she needs it because he doesn't think it necessary.  I know marriage isn't easy but for good ness sake... Pray for me and my kids. I thank God my mom will be here but I dread the interaction with her and his family.  My dad and mom send my children so much to compensate for the lack of responsiblity my husband takes for our children.  And his ungrateful ass never says thank you.  i really do regret every marrying or  having met him.  I hate him I really do.

C'est La Vie

Its been quite sometime since I last blogged.  My birthday passed, and I do really believe I am an official old crow.  Or at least that's what my shithead of a husband constantly tells me.  I know I began this blog as a means to help others cope with marriage, wedding planning, and parenting, but I have found that I need to blog as a means of stress relief, a way to truly express my frustation with those 3 topics in general.  Parenting is not easy when married to an asshole.  When he is rude and obnoxious to you in the presence of your children, it is hard to believe that you are developing a healthy family environment for your children when you constantly feel annimosity towards that person.  For the past few weeks my husband would be what I would call some what civil.  But please understand that this is by the lowest of standards.  So, anyway he's actual slept in our room for a few nights, and I act as though I am being rewarded for good behavior.  Who lives like that? I'm terrified of delievering my newborn in 4 weeks into this hectic, and toxic environment.  My daughter already sees how her father treats with the littlest amount of respect. His family truly believe I am an idiot.  I get so damnned emotional when thinking of all the painful experiences I've endured its hard to continue writing.  I will blog a completed thought later.  All the best