Why haven't I written in a while because I've been too busy being sick from pregnancy, and enjoying the mediocre yet civil treatment my spouse have given me. He believes he treats me like a queen, and compared to how I'm usually treated, and spoken to, I'll take any kind of civility from him. So, married people is this one of those pick your battles blogs? Yes it is. Sometimes, it sad but we often should just let things go for our own peace of mind, and sanity. If you know you're married to an ass, you have several options , either tolerate them, move one with your life, find a way to make your daily existence more meaningful, and less about them being a part of it, or simply cater to their ego so they can't make your life more miserable than it already is.
So, yesterday speaking of battles, after a few days of civility we're riding in the car, and he gets on the phone with his sibling who I despise and the feeling is mutual. They speak daily often 4 to 5 times daily, and he receives 2X calls from his mother. Ok I'm baffled by all of this. I don't see the point, nor comprehend what they need to discuss frequently. So, as in typical fashion, I do my best not to interrupt the conversation, nor indicate that I am within earshot, but yet somehow it always happens he asks me a question, I may not answer correctly, and he reprimands me disrespectfully that I am always amased he can even speak to anyone in that manner, and when I call him on it, and I swear he does it to show his family he cares nothing for me. So, i'm livid but I remain calm and ask why do you always do that? And he flies off the handle in typical a****le fashion. At this point I'm pist so I wait till we get home to unleash all the fury I have. I go off. Damn it recalling it all now I am soooo oooooooooodamn it. I have never resented someone as much in my life.
As for kids....I'll be honest with you.. it is a pleasure to talk to other parents that share similar parenting woes, and joys. For example, my 16 month old has learned to manipulate her father into getting what she wants, and that is always at the expense of triggering an arguement between he and I. I want her to eat more, he thinks I shouldn't force her to, I share my fries with her which is one of the few things she will eat, he yells at me for teaching her unhealthy habits, I won't give her my pringles chips, and he accuses me of denying her food. He's teaching her to climb the stairs on her own which is ungated, I tell him she shouldn't go near the stairs unsupervised (2 weeks ago it happened), when I getting ready to shower I take her off the bed and put her in her crib or play pin, he complains I'm caging her and let her be free, he leaves her unattended on our elevated bed, he leaves his shows, and clothes everywhere for me to pick up after him, and when she grabs hold of his shoes, he yells that I'm exposing her to harm because I allow her to pick up his shoes. When I feed her in the morning she won't eat oatmeal, but will eat the gerber canned foods, he doesn't want me feeding her processed foods, he says he'll feed her and after 10 minutes of her refusal to eat with him , he claims she's not hungry, forcing me to find what she will eat , and having extra dirty dishes for me to wash. God forbid I go out to get groceries and leave her in his care, he won't change her diaper, nor will he feed her while I'm gone, and God forbid she poops, he won't go near her at all, yet I am perpetually called lazy, careless, I swear when it comes to parenting we aren't on the same page and I feel as though I can't win. And who takes full advantage of all this? My 16month old. So, what do I do? Is it the parenting that's the problem or the lack of collaboration and cohesiveness in our relationship altogether.
I pray that God forgives me because I truly hate the man I married. I regret everyday I am with him.
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