When do you get fed up?

Today was another day of lounging around just waiting for him to leave and go to work.  A friend of mine called and asked how I was doing.  I off loaded on her like I do with anyone that will listen.  But the reality is people can only do so much.  When am I going to truly start helping myself?  I have done alot to help myself in the past and it has gotten me no where.  I sit in a dark office crying and feeling sorry for myself, and it gets me no where, so when am I going to finally get tired of the way I'm living and do something about it?  You can tell when someone has checked out on you, and you can tell when it truly isn't functioning, and no matter the amount of prayer you do what will help?  I know Jesus Christ isn't going to waste his time on my issues, when people in Haiti, Rwuanda, Ethopia, and other places are still crying out for help.  Why do I selfishly believe in divine intervention to salvage the damage done in this marriage?  How do you survive your marriage when it has hit rock bottom?  How do you survive, when you can't think of anything else to bring joy into your home?  Sadly, as Valentine's day approaches, I could really give a shit.  Will I be surprised if he actually does something nice for me?  Yes, but do I expect anything? Hell No!!!  I don't think love exists.  I've never experienced it.  I wish I could say someone has loved me, but I really can't say that.  Anyway,  Good for those of you that have and find true love, but for the rest, fuck it its a waste of time.