How can life get to this point?

Last night I get a call from a friend that had a baby a few months after I did.  She's a few years older than my self, makes a 6 figure salary owns her own home, has a luxury car, and decided at 40 she would have a baby with her bestfriend, and recent lover/boyfriend.  Well, they lived thousands of miles apart, he in NY she in LA.  I asked her how she would manage such a relationship, because I myself went through the same ordeal only to discover when I married my jackass, I really didn't know as much as I should have before marrying him.  Sadly, she is facing the same fate.  Her jackass leaves his blackberry at her house and she uncovers his emails, flight plans etc for the past 2 years.  While he's been giving her excuses as to why he could make it for the delivery of their son, of why his travel time is limited and can only visit his son once every 3 months, turns out this son a bitch has been in a different state, with a different woman for the past 3 years.  Periodically making time for his son, and what we thought was his girlfriend.  Whats worse is, when my friend forwarded all the emails to all the other women, turns out the majority of them are married, and were perfectly content with their arrangement.  This sent a very scary chill up my spine.  You see, my son of a bitch proudly maintains a relationship with his babymama, and 2 ex girfriends and god knows who else.  He keeps his phone accounts locked by passwords and all mail items mailed to his sister's office and other many PO boxes.  He continues to lie to me about his whereabouts, and as much as the emotional, physical, and pschological abuse pains me, the fact that I have forgiven him again and again, and yet his deceit continues while refusing to release me from the pain and anguish he's inflicted on me is overwhelming, I wonder why he continues to lie.  I have never pegged him to be a man of any integrity, and sadly he tells me that his nephew is watching me, and watching my behavior.  The other day I had to call the cops to file a report because this son of a bitch had threatened me, and though his nephew was present, I strongly doubt he will be truthful to what he saw or what transpired.  Then to make matters worse I get a letter from my union about my membership.  I mean, WTF!!!!!, Can I be such a horrible person to be in a perpetual state of misery because of this man.  I have tried to make myself happy through prayer, focusing on my daughter, and building on her intellectual strengths but sadly, the abundant amount of time we spend together is taking a serious toll on me.  Its me and the baby 24/7, my only breaks come when I attend weekly counseling.  I thought counseling would help me either change to meet his needs or garner enough strength to pack up and leave.  I truly hate him.  I regret everyday I see him.  I regret I married him. I regret moving here for him, I regret trying to make others happy.  Worse of all, I hate the impact its making on our kids.  I pray God grants me a miracle, cause I need one and soon.