Tips for the wise .... never ever date a guy with kids & never ever marry a guy with kids

So, this morning started out ok, but the obnoxious women in omy spouse's life really make it hard to deal with its impact on our marriage.  His mom calls every 2 hours, to talk about ....I haven't got the slightest idea.  Then there's his sister whom he and she call perpetually throughout the day to discuss everything in their lives, then there's the babymama.  UGH, how do I describe this relationship?  There's a lingering persistence and an annoyance, and the painful sense that this woman hold more respect from him than I do. They plan his daughter's arrival, and her future which involves her being here with me and my children, and I have no say so as to how this will impact our lives.  Are all guys like this?  Probably not, but one runs the risk of dealing with this sort of problem when they involve themselves with a man that had kids prior to the marriage.  And unless he's a widow, you sadly are stuck with that other woman, his former lover being a part of his life forever. What's even worse is my spouse has maintained a friendship with each of his ex girlfriends.  I have made it clear how much I disapprove but he just hides his deceit with passwords on cell accounts, and bank accounts.  He actually still has a bank account with his babymama, where he and I don't have that.  My 2nd child is due in 2 days and the way things have been going, I don't really know how much longer this relationship will last because, there's no trust, and he doesn't respect me as his wife.  Have I mentioned how much I resent me, and hate myself for making the mistake of ever having been involved with him?  

How to cope with step children...Some tips and a true story

So this morning I overhear my spouse speaking to someone laughing and carrying on.  Then he calls his sister to give the witch an update on his bastard's (the child he had out of wedlock with someone else) travel plans.  So as I stand there preparing our toddler's breakfast trying to pretend not to have heard anything I am very bothered by the fact that he would make plans to have his child here for 2 months, during the period that I will be having our second child, and without family present to help me cope.  So, I'm baffled by all what is happening.  I am supposed to be the person he shares this sort of information with even talking to me about  their arrival and their plans for the summer, but no thats not the case.  So, I inquire to him why he made no mention to me of her arrival or departure, or which dates would be best suited considering I'll be giving birth, and it may be a bit challenging to have her here during that period.  He scolds me and tells me I have no right  to dictate to him what happens with his daughter.  So, I keep quiet but angry with myself for dating a man with a kid.  For some strange reason, men with children have not only a responsiblity to that child they had, but this unbroken attachment to the woman they had that child with.  Thats something I never wanted to be a part of .  I'd watched other women go through the painful process of dealing with men with children out of wedlock, and frankly it often created turmoil in their marriage, or simply broke them up.  I have 2 children with this guy.  I keep trying to figure out how to cope with certain situations when they arise.  So, I found this article of helpful tips.  But my situation isn't one that allows for an open line with my spouse about his daughter in our home. My mom will be here and I worry about how thing will play out.  I pray God helps me. 

Dealing with step-children is not a clear-cut process that you can establish easily. Your relationship with your spouse plays a direct role in determining how you will deal with the step-children. While every situation will be different, here are some basic steps on how to deal with step-children.


Talk with your spouse about rules, structure and discipline. You have to present a unified front on these issues with a list of house rules that are in effect no matter what
Step 2
Let your spouse deal with discipline at first. You have to establish yourself in the step-children's lives before you can discipline them effectively.
Step 3
Be patient. This will take time and patience.
Step 4
Provide love, stability and safety. All families should give this to children, but step-children have already been through the destruction of one family, so they have some very justifiable doubts to overcome.
Step 5
Build trust with your step-children by doing as you say.


Tips & Warnings


There is no such thing as a freeze-dried dad or an instant mom. Expecting this from yourself is unrealistic.You are not a "rent-a-cop" parent. You are the real deal.Be open to the idea of professional counseling to help you, your spouse and your step-children adjust to the new facts of life.Beware a spouse that cuts you down in front of the step-children. The children quickly learn that you are not to be respected.Don't rip on the birth parents, even if they deserve it. Don't participate even if the step-children themselves rip on their birth parents.



Read more: How to Deal with Step-Children
eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004344_deal-step-children.html#ixzz0qYTwoAQH










Read more: How to Deal with Step-Children
eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004344_deal-step-children.html#ixzz0qYTdyB00







Read more: How to Deal with Step-Children
eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2004344_deal-step-children.html#ixzz0qYTVQXns

2 weeks left, and scared

its been quite some tie since I made an entry on this blog.  Alot has been happening.  For some odd reason there has been some peace in my home, but at what price?  I have decided to let go of the fact that I know my husband isn't faithful, and as long as it isn't blatant, I have to tolerate it until I can find a means out of this sad relationship.  When he yells, I walk away and ignore him.  I try my best to focus on our first child but it is so hard in my condition to function.  I have bad hips, a bad back, and even more medical problems I am not attending to simply to cut down on medical costs because we have a PPO, and I am inundated with bills I can't afford and that haven't yet been paid.  I am tired of my spouse calling me a loser everytime the issue of money arises.  When our first child was due, I bought and paid for everything, and this ingrate had no quams allowing me to spend in the thousands to pay for towels, basinet, stroller, car seat, playpin, sheets, blankets, clothes, etc. But now that I haven't the means to support myself, he bitches about buying things for our new child every oppotunity he gets.  To make matters worse, I don't know if he thought he was doing me a favor by having his first illigetimate child come here around the time I give birth.  The stress is bad enough from having a toddler and trying to care for a new born, but having to tolerate a ghetto teenage girl???? OMG what the hell was this asshole thinking?  He always has his daughter come around at the most inopportune time.  Wait did I mention he tells me that his friend has 3 kids out of wedlock, and that no one knows about them?  Then he turns to me and says why must I tell everyone he has a daughter?  I'm like wait an F-ing minute, was this not the same a-hole that testified in court falsly claiming that I don't like his daughter that at the time I'd never met. Then flew her out for my child's baptism, because he wanted all his kids together, then all of a sudden now he starts to think that having a child out of wedlock is nothing to be proud of, nor should I advertise it????? Wait I'm confused. So, I should pretend she doesn't exist, and when your friends come around and notice this teenage girl who sadly looks identical to her father with boobs, who apparently is my child, what the hell am I supposed to say then?  Keep in mind, when he does introduce her its almost as if he's ashamed of her, and when I introduce her, I do it with a smile, and proclaim it like there nothing wrong, and yet I'm still wrong for that??????Ugh,  I noticed in the past few months, Tony has stopped making payments on the car insurance, lapsed on home insurance, refuses to activate the home alarm system, and now our joint phone line doesn't allow me to send nor receive text messages.  I know something is up, but at this point with the kind of physical condition I am in, there's really nothing I can do.  I suffer through severe pain to clean, and cook, and try to prepare for my next child, and even though we live in a 4 bdrm home, he has refused to purchase our first child a bdrm set and set up their own room, sohe first child and the newbon will be sharing dressers, and a crib until he feels the first child should get their own room.  Frankly, I hate this arrangement, sometimes I think I'd be better off on my own where I could do things my way, but I tolerate it.  I resent his stupidity, like placing waste products like trash, food, garbage on the kitchen counter attacting insects, and then likening it to going to a restaurant, and an ass.  He refuses to buy our child vitamins knowing she needs it because he doesn't think it necessary.  I know marriage isn't easy but for good ness sake... Pray for me and my kids. I thank God my mom will be here but I dread the interaction with her and his family.  My dad and mom send my children so much to compensate for the lack of responsiblity my husband takes for our children.  And his ungrateful ass never says thank you.  i really do regret every marrying or  having met him.  I hate him I really do.