I miss being loved

As I finish the school year calendar, penciling in half days, off days, doctors appointments and so forth I to my planner at 4AM I realize how lonely I am. I am so so lonely. I spend a lot of time with my kids, but no friends, no companionship, no love, no affection. I fantasize daily about the perfect man that would sweep me off my feet, and the perfect emotional bond we'd have, but reality sets in, and I'm laying in bed alone, wishing I had someone to hold me, and make me feel loved. I have not felt loved, I mean genuinely loved in over 10 years. I knew my first husband loved me, but we were young, & clueless. Besides, he was a cheater but he sure is hell tried to make amends for the hurt he caused. This one? I'm so confused. I hope God forgives me for the sin of lust while married. I've never acted on my need to be loved. It's not physical. It's an emotional need. Luckily, the only men that approach me are weirdos. Either they are married and ready to cheat. Or they are very awkward. Or just creepy. I want love. Nurturing, care and kindness. Love is so beautiful when done right. We're just 2 people living in the same house who don't like nor respect each other. I wish God would help me to love myself more so I can be more loving toward my children. I need love.