Loneliness and neglect, what dreams may come

I avoid interacting with anyone from sheer fear of rejection, and being made fun of. At my kids school, they talk so badly about me behind my back it's painful. They call me stupid. Crazy. No matter how hard I try to be polite, or appear sincere, I am socially awkward. So, I hide at home. Afraid to interact with people. Afraid to be seen. I hate being looked at. I hate having to speak to anyone. But, I'm constantly put in situations where I'm with my kids that draw huge and negative attention my way. I'm scared of the world. Why do I feel this way? I know my fear is affecting my kids. I'm embarrassed to take them places because they always show out. I want to crawl and hide where no one will find nor see me. I hate that I'm like this.