The New Year, bad holiday season and no work.

I can't believe I don't have a job yet. Like seriously I haven't worked in years. Though it maybe some people's dream come true... It's been a bloody nightmare. Always broke, always unhappy, always asking the inconsiderate a-hole for every penny. It's maddening. My kids???? I'm overwhelmed. How 2 children be so damn annoying? I did not think it was possible to be completely irritated and annoyed by your own kids. But I truthfully have reached a point where I dislike everyone in my household. Including myself. Sleeping in separate rooms, chasing and threatening kids with time out or spankings, or whatever to get them to behave but I get no support, instead their father undermines every effort I make and blames me for all their actions. It's 11:30 PM, and the toddler went to the media room to join the foul stench and vile creature that is his father who will not make him sleep, and I have chased, and yelled, and threatened. And I am fucking tired of it. I live a shithole surrounded by people I don't want to be around while I'm treated like the damn help, and I don't see why I am here? Is this year going to be any better or worse? When do I finally get a break from this bloody nightmare, and move on? How horrible would I be if I ran away and left the kids behind? I know my daughter would then become the most of the abuse, and insults, and I'll treatment from both her father and brother. She's truly weak minded, and fragile emotionally, truthfully, I think she's mentally ill already. I see signs of things already that seriously worry me. She seeks attention at all costs. It is frightening, maddening, and annoying all at the same time. I pray that no weirdo gets their hands on her, because she is a very gullible. God please help me this year.