HE doesn't love me, he doesn't even like me...I need love

I know it may seem beyond obvious that my husband doesn't like me, he surely doesn't love me, so then what? I'm lonely. I feel depressed. I can't bring myself to try anymore. The other day, I realized that I was tired of being yell at or ignored. I ask the simplest of questions and I get no response. My kids know he doesn't respect me, and I know they barely do as well. I've reached the point of "why bother"?. So, when he says he won't give me money, I don't argue, I beg my aging parents to loan me money. When he won't buy groceries, I find some alternative in the freezer. I give up. When he won't answer your phone calls, you stop calling. When he yells at you for bothering him about kids medical bills, you let the bills go into default, and say nothing about it. So, how do I find love again? How do I get back into the swing of finding someone else and moving on? This marriage is over.

Lent Begins Today: what will you give up?

Today is Ash Wednesday. I went to mass with my kids. I decided I was going to give up the things that broke all the virtues. Candy, because I'm greedy and I eat large amounts of it in one sitting. Alcohol, I have become accustomed to using it as a vice to be intimate with my spouse. Because, I am so repulsed by him, that him touching me or the thought of it is so nauseating I literally drink to numb myself, or cover my face with a pillow to avoid looking directly at him. Being frustrated with my children.  My kids are true blessing but are also a handful. I find myself yelling, and carrying on all day long to try to keep them in line. I have no real support from their father who contradicts every word I say, and refuses to participate in any aspect of their development. So, I spent nearly every waking moment with them, or doing something for them. So, today I decided to find another approach to deal with my problems. Not with food. Not with alcohol, not with anger. I'm having a hard time finding work, and with children that health issues. I am increasingly concerned it's taking a toll on me. So, for lent I'm not just giving up the negatives, but embracing something positive. I pray I make it through this season, and find a positive outlet. Wishing everyone a good Lenten season.

Gospel music chased the devil away

I have been living in denial for 6 miserable years. Things aren't going to change for the better unless I leave. My kids are getting worse. I play gospel music most mornings as a motivation for me and my kids. But the other day, my husband better known to heathens as Satan ran out of the room when I began playing it. Hmm, interesting.  Perhaps he really is the devil.

When hatred and loathing makes you physically ill

Yesterday, after a long day at the barbershop and hair salon for the kids to get ready to return to school. I was relieved when my husband wasn't at home. He didn't get back till 11:00PM most nights this week he'd be home before we returned to criticize me for having the kids out during spring break. But I realized that I truly loath him. He makes me utterly and physically ill. The fact that my kids have found a way to manipulate the situation, caused me to become nauseous, head aches, and anxious scared me. I don't want to be married to this pig anymore.