Newly Divorced and Still miserable

Wow its been such a very long time since I've been on. I really missed sharing my thoughts , and perhaps unwelcome bits of wisdom. But, here goes. My marriage was a huge mistake to begin with. I knew I didn't love him, but was so happy that someone new wanted me to be their wife, I figured "hell why not, it may not happen ever again". So, 2 failed marriages, 2 kids, and 60 pounds heavier I truly regret ever believing that my life would be fulfilled once I became a wife and mother. I know children are a blessing, but it is the hardest, most consuming, and gut wrenching part of life. Raising children should not be taken lightly. I haven't the foggiest idea why teenage girls even attempt this feat. I should thank my mother for tolerating me and living a miserable existence for my sake, and the sake of the institution of marriage, but Jesus please make her a saint for having tolerated my father for over 50 years. Marriage with the right person is a beautiful thing. But, with the wrong person, is a torturous manifestation of pain and anguish. WHY?????? would a man propose to a woman he really doesn't know? My ex is a despicable, wretched creature, who slithered from the realm of Hades with the demons he calls his immediate family. How a loathsome creature can even exist is beyond me comprehension. Yet even lower is the mucus filled parasite they call divorce lawyers. Mine especially is simply ghastly. 2 miserable years in and out of court and nothing is complete. I pay Karma and all the misery they all have caused me comes back to haunt them 2 fold.